Life as a Grad Student

The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students

My job prospects look really good.
The Department is giving me so much support.
I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
No really. I'll be out of here in only two more years.
Your latest article was so inspiring.
I could never date an undergraduate.
My work has a lot of practical importance.
I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate makes $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

The Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Fellows

My other section is much better prepared than you guys.
Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
Call me any time; I'm always available.
I'm not going to grant any extensions.

You Just Might be a Graduate Student if...

...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
...you have ever, for a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopies while researching a single paper.
...there is a microfiche reader in the library that you consider ``yours''.
...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
...your professors don't really care when you turn in your work anymore.
...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
...you reflexively start analyzing those Greek letters before you realize that it's just a sorority sweatshirt and not an equation.
...you find yourself explaining to young children that you are in the ``20th'' grade.
...you start referring to stories like ``Snow White et al.''
...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as ``personal communication''.

Back to Who is drsteve?

Back to drsteve's Web Presence.